State of mind and communication gap

I have already blogged that mind works on the principle of state machines. This blog is similar to that (Of course similar in content not in terms of boredom.).

Stephen Covey has very well said that "seek first to understand than to be understood" in his highly appreciated ( and truly useful) book '7 habits of highly effective people'.

He says that giving out advice before having empathetically understood a person and their situation will likely result in that advice being rejected. All things which may be high-level of importance for you may be low-level of importance for another person, or even not at all important. What may be important promise to you may be unimportant to another. How you express your honesty, openness, kindness and courtesy may be perceived completely differently when seen by others through their unique cultural or personnel filters.

This gap in what you want to communicate and what other person understands arises because both person are not in same state of mind while communicating. You may have stored many information in your mind but at a moment, at a time, in one state of mind only some information will be taken care. Only some information will become part of your conscious world. Only some information will become your thought. If both communicating persons are not in same state of mind, conflicts of ideas, arguments, indirect disapprovals, cold war kind of environment etc. is bound to get created. Until and unless two communicating person are in same state, making replica of other person's state of mind, effective communication can not happen. You can not understand a person until you align your state with other person's state of mind. It is sole responsibility of speaker to make listener go in suitable state of mind. By using proper words, speaking proper relavent things at proper time, giving proper example, sensing listener's state of mind speaker can make listener (Or writer can make reader) to go in required state of mind. Effective speakers makes our mind to go in required state of mind very faster and so making us get convinced on their talk. They knows natural process by which mind transitions in different states. A good leader also make our mind's state transitions process faster.

A person will become open up to you sharing his thoughts only when you listen to him without evaluating, advising, interpreting. A person will go in state to share his thoughts only when you make him to go in specific required state of mind. Before a person speaks anything if you starts evaluting, advising, interpreting him, he will never go in state to make himself open and share his thoughts.

From person's current state of mind if evaluation or advising or intepreting is done they (evaluation, advise, interpretation) will obstacle the person's mind to move in state where he starts speaking everything opening himself.

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Jaydip Mehta (JD)